A humble little introduction to the author

  You asked for it, he delivers. Carter Smith, live on blog! One night only, except for the eternity that this page will be archived on the internet! Here he is, delivering the ultimate in tender, juicy, succulent about-the-author goodness! So listen up, all you three or four fresh-faced college students who will stumble across this blog, if you want to learn from the best.

Carter’s mastery of his craft should become apparent from the first character printed on each of his works. I mean, look at that capital Y. It just screams excellence, doesn’t it? There should be no doubt in your head that Carter is unfathomably brilliant, and the herald of a new age of writing. Without fail, his composition flows off the page like Vogon poetry, a sublime cascade of words that soothes your brain like a refreshing dose of brain ointment. “But anonymous narrator,” you might ask, “how did this master of the form come to be?” Your question shall be answered, invisible debate partner...
Carter is the eldest child of a couple of people who really don’t matter and the older sibling of someone else of no importance. He was born in San Diego, California, and spent most of his early days foolishly unaware of the greatness he was destined for. Being of middle-class white person descent, his days were incredibly interesting, full of blandness and normalcy. At the tender age of six, his parents were divorced, and he and his sibling moved with their parent to the incredibly exciting suburbs of Omaha, Nebraska. From here, he went on to attend and graduate from Westside High School, an institution made up of mostly rich white people, where every day was packed to the brim with interesting happenings. It was here that Carter truly began to realize and practice his mastery over composition, drawing upon his incredibly interesting life for inspiration.
Not even Carter is sure what his first true work was in high school. It was most likely over something meaningless and stupid like the analysis of characters in To Kill a Mockingbird or something like that, but as dumb as the topic probably was, Carter must have still lit up the page with his superb style. All of Carter’s works over the next year or so followed the same trend of being masterpieces of the five-paragraph essay form, until sometime during his sophomore year, when he was presented with the mind-blowing idea of thinking and writing outside of that particular form. Naturally, the excruciating amount of work this new development would entail almost convinced Carter to give up, but he took this lemon and came up with one hell of a lemonade by improving his craft and becoming more amazing than ever. His breakthrough occurred with The Trial of Apheidas, a short play written to emulate (or spit in the face of, it really could go either way) the form and language of ancient Greek plays. Now the world looks back on this piece as perhaps Carter’s finest work, while Carter will deny writing it to anyone who asks, seeming to have  forgotten it exists, proving his commitment to looking forward and not fixating on the past.
Where does Carter draw his inspiration from? Clearly, his greatest source is his incredibly interesting life, he also draws much inspiration from his hobbies. Carter enjoys gaming of all kinds, playing the jazz trombone like a boss, acting for the stage like a boss, and being a lazy sack of crap like a boss. For some reason, despite his incredible life, hobbies, and writing skill, he is single. Just putting that out there.
As tempting as it might be for him to look back on his previous work and smile, Carter sees nothing but the future. During this semester, he will properly introduce himself through his work to a brand new audience at Georgia Tech. One can only imagine how far, how quickly he will move during and after this time. He continues to strenuously improve his craft when he feels like it, so that one day, he may attain his ultimate goal of being recognized not only by more than five people, but across time and space itself.
Laugh all you want. Because, one day, Carter will be the ruler of the world. Didn’t expect that, did you? See, even though people generally don’t think of Carter as “outgoing”, “fun”, or “likeable”, he secretly knows that he is far, far above the uneducated swine that call themselves “people”. He also knows that, one day, the swine will finally drop their guard. Just when everyone has begun to think they are safe, bam! Carter comes out from under everyone’s noses and smacks society upside the head, letting society know who the new boss is. In fact, he is so confident that no one will expect it that he’s straight-up bragging about it on this blog! Who gives a damn about how it happens? All you need to know is that it will happen, you will be unprepared for it, and Carter will keep using italics until he gets his point across! He will usher in a glorious new age for this world and crush the swine underneath his mighty foot! You just try and stop him!
...Please don’t try and stop him. He has neither the physical or emotional strength to defend himself.